An American Project: 2008

Quotes scattered on my classroom walls

You are who you will yourself to be
-Sartre

You must do the thing that you think you cannot do
– Eleanor Roosevelt

WHAT WE DO FOR OURSELVES DIES WITH US.
WHAT WE DO FOR OTHERS AND THE WORLD REMAINS AND IS ETERNAL.
-ALBERT PINE

The only dream worth having: To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.
-Arundhati Roy

U.S.A. is the slice of a continent. U.S.A. is a group of holding companies, some aggregations of trade unions, a set of laws bound in leather, a radio network, a chain of movie theaters, a column of stock quotations rubbed out and written in by a Western Union boy on a blackboard, a public library full of old newspapers and dog-eared history books with protests scrawled on the margins in pencil. U.S.A. is the world’s greatest river valley fringed with mountains and hills. U.S.A. is a set of big mouthed officials with two many bank accounts. U.S.A. is a lot of men buried in their uniforms in Arlington Cemetery. U.S.A is the letters at the end of an address when you are away from home. But mostly U.S.A. is the speech of the people.
-John Dos Passos

Tis the business of little minds to shrink; but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct, will pursue his principles unto death.
-Thomas Paine

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face
-Eleanor Roosevelt

Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you are scared.
-Eddie Rickenbacker
World War I hero

Time does not change things. Leaders change things.
-Jessie Jackson

Ability without honor is useless.
-Cicero

Always stand on principle, even if you stand alone.
-John Quincy Adams

The consciousness of having done that duty which we owe our country is superior to all other considerations.
George Washington

Similes and Metaphors

I am…

I am like winter because I am so cold
I am like a bike because I get up and go whenever I feel like it
I am smart like a genius because I get good grades
I am as cold as ice in a freezer that is set to the coldest setting
My brain is like einstien
I am as rare as a lion
I am like someone who goest to school because I go to school
I am like a nut, because I am crazy
I am like a cherry happy on the outside sweet on the inside
I am like a box of choclates because I look so good
I could be as funny as a clown
I am sweet like honey
I am like the wind, nobody sees me
I am like a chair in class I just sit their and work
I am like a tiger because I am mean
I am like weezy because Im the youngest in charge
Im so raw im like meat left out for years
I am a beast
Im like Kanye West you cant tell me nothing
Im like picassso, talented
Im like a volcano about to erupt
Im like a nail, hard and tough
I was high as a kite last night
Im like a butterfly
Im am a queen that represents royalty
I am like a bear, I wander off anywhere
I am grinding like a skateboarder
I am teddy bear, soft and cuddly
I am not like a butterfly and I will sting you
I am like the ocean because I got a lot of waves
I am like a bee, you don’t want to mess with me
I am like the bomb like tick tock
I am like Ali sticking and moving
I am like the undertaker taking everyone’s soul
I am like a star people are always reaching for me
I am so high that it is lonely up here
I am like a star I stay up and above
I am tight like facelifts and I fly high like spaceships
I am like play-do, shape me and form me, I am still play do
I am like a desk, well organized
I am sweet like honey. This is because I am nice
I’m like an earthquake because I will rock your world
I’m like a dwarf because I keep it on the down low
Im like a jollyrancher with lucky charms, I stay hard but my taste is magiacallly delicious
I am like the night sky, so beautiful and tranquil
I am like a boxer, you get a kjnockout if you tell me something stupid
I am like a puzzle because Im mysterious
I am like a blackhole because I suck everything dry
I am like a heatseeking missle, mess with me and I will find you
I am like a book full of knowledge
I am like nitroglycern. I blow up easy
I am like a stove that is hotter than the sun
I am like a flower, bright and fragile
I am like an ice cube, I like to keep my cool
I am like the wind I move unnoticed
Chicago is…

Chicago is like a blind person in the middle of the street because we never see what’s coming
Chicago is like fire and rain
I am Chicago that kills souls
Chicago is the sun but hotter
Chicago is like a game
Chicago is like a raisin in the sun
Chicago is like a desert, tough to survive
Chicago is Muhammad Ali, the world’s greatest
Chicago is like a day of excitement with endless times
Chicago is like Chicago because its way different than other cities
The wind of Chicago is like a fan
Chicago is like my house, I cant move away from it
Chicago is like marmalade on bread, sticky
Chicago is cold like a refrigerator
Chicago is the North, it’s so cold
Chicago is like a dart game, you never know where its going to hit next
Chicago is like a mixed flavored ice cream you get the best of both worlds
Chicago is like Antarctica, we gets chilly
Chicago is like Alaska cuz we have blistering winters
Chicago is like soda, you always want more
Chicago is like a fan because it is so windy
Chicago is like a fist, strong and intimidating
Chicago is an execution ground, people getting killed all the time
Chicago is like the flu, it makes you sick
Chciago is like a bite mark, it hurts and is full of pain
Chicago is a Lion, king of Illinois
Chciago is a tree that keeps growing
Chicago is like a firefly the glows at night
Chciago is a fiery pit of hell reincarnated
Chicago is like a firetruck because it lights up
Chciago is a tornado windy and fierce
Chicago is a weasel, sneaky and corrupt
Chciago is beautiful as a rose
Chicago is an onion with many layers
Chicago gets it crackin like a night at OJs house
Chciago is like a hockey game cause no one gets along
Chicago is rough like football
Chicago is like a burrito wrapped in pizza because there are a lot of latinos and blacks
Chciago is like a tv show you never know what to expect
Chciago is prostitute that has been through a lot
Chciago is like a forest, you can get lost
Chicago is like a garbage can dirty and smelly
Chciago is like school because I don’t want to be here.

The Third Year

So I am eight weeks into my third year of teaching professionally. I am one of those people who forgets that he has a blog so I don't really know where to begin. To quote one of our security officers, "same shit, different dog."

I am starting to act more and more like a cross between Dr House and Colonel Slade of Scent of a Woman fame. The sad thing is that I think I am actually developing a tolerance to bullshit that is rivalled only by my newfound tolerance to alchool.

I just celebrated my 28th birthday. It was the longest day of the week teaching wise and I also have a persistant cold. But it was nice to reflect on my life and to realize that this year will be decisive, and that one way or another, I will probably be moving on.

Several of the students are acting different this year. The student who once dropped out (I wrote about chasing him down my first year) didnt show up until October. Another student I work a lot with lost his house in the flood and is living with his grandmother because his dad is drinking again. One of the seniors is pregnat and about to get married because she was kicked out of the house.

we had are first pep rally yesterday. It was going very well until the lapdances. Then all hell broke loose. Never have lap dances at a school assembly, and yes obviously the people who planned the assembly had no idea what they were doing

I feel more weathered and experienced, but I dont really feel any smarter. I am trying to read more, last year I just got so tired that all I would do was watch tv shows I was only half interested in or sporting events that I didnt care at all for the teams. I lost my drive to excell and was ok with being profficent. now I had a little panic attack: do I have a career?

Progress means that at least I am actively thinking about it.

Another Unwelcome Surprise

Over the summer I had a lot of plans for the soccer team. Last year we won our conference title, we had two guys make the all city team, and I was nominated for CPS coach of the year in soccer. Over the summer I called guys to make sure that they were working out and keeping in touch with the other guys and playing.

Then in July our athletic director/head basketball coach quit because he was tired of the executive director. There are conflicting stories about how much money he was asking for, but he is someone who has always been very helpful and has my respect. He was also the teacher of the year the year before.

The new athletic director has extensive expierience managing bars, but none with athletics. He reminds me of Rasputin, someone who when you first meet him something inside your recoils. You are convinced that he is trying to sell you something and he gets closer and closer to you until he is touching youand smiling...and then an hour later will scream at you and say something was your fault.

His rise has been meteroic. He went from watching the in-school detention room to "Associate Director of Student Affairs". Not bad for having no expierience and no college degree. he has also convinced that executive director to pump almost ten grand into his room to set up a technology center and a counseling office.

My best friend in teaching also applied for the athletic director job, but he only has 6 years coaching experience in four different sports, an administrative degree and four years as a college athlete under his belt so they turned him down.

So anyway I carry on and come into ACE for the first day of practice. I show up, the kids show up, and the new athletic director shows up. He didn't know that the first day of soccer was today, and said that the executive director need to see me right away. So I go inside and another teacher runs practice.

The executive director made me wait for an hour in her office. The secratary later told me that she was just keeping me waiting. Then she called me in and told me that I was replaced as the head soccer coach. I asked why and she told me the reason was that I was not hispanic and she felt the coach needed to be a hispanic role model, and that many of the minority teachers had left ACE Tech and so there needed to be more minorities in leadership roles.

I was so surprised that I could not respond. I asked her if she had any complaint or problem with me and she said no.

I briefly said:
1. I have a lot of respect for all the cultures on my soccer team, including excellent relationships with the parents involved. I speak spanish and have always enjoyed the respect of the soccer community.
2. I was trying to make sure that all different ethinciities partiicapted ont eh scoocer team and tried to open the team up to white and black atheltes too.
3. I was nominated for soccer coach of the year. I had a clean program with no elligabilty issues.
4. Are you serious?

The conversation lasted only a couple minutes and then she said that she had to go to a meeting.

And just that simple, just that arbitry, the thing I love the most about my job was taken from me. For no reason. For no reedeming purpose.

The Jackal

From A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

When he got out of the house, the air was cold and sad, the dull sky overcast, the river dark and dim, the whole scene like a lifeless desert. And wreaths of dust were spinning round and round before the morning blast, as if the desert-sand had risen far away, and the first spray of it in its advance had begun to overwhelm the city.

Waste forces within him. and a desert all around, this man stood still on his way across a silent terrace, and saw for a moment, lying in the wilderness before him, a mirage honourable ambition, self-denial, and perseverance. In the fair city of this vision, there were airy galleries from which the loves and graces looked upon him, gardens in which the fruits of life hung ripening, waters of Hope that sparkled in his sight. A moment, and it was gone. Climbing to a high chamber in a well of houses, he threw himself down in his clothes on a neglected bed, and its pillow was wet with wasted tears.

Sadly, sadly, the sun rose; it rose upon no sadder sight than the man of good abilities and good emotions, incapable of their directed exercise, incapable of his own help and his own happiness, sensible of the blight on him, and resigning himself to let it eat him away.

Nightmares

The first nightmare I had last night was that I was back at CVS, my first school and a massive building, the largest high school in Chicago. I was walking from the parking lot through the lawn. All the students were milling their way in when all of a sudden bombs started falling from the sky. Kids were blown apart everywhere. We all started running towards the school, desperate to get inside. Once inside we could here screaming from outside. The principal was handing out guns and all of a sudden the front door looked like the door to a castle. The door was shaking. The last thing I remember was two students waiting for the door to break down. They were carrying flame throwers.

The next dream that I had was much worse. Behind ACE is a long stretch of empty land where the Robert Taylor homes used to be. In my dream I "woke up" and I was lying on the floor of my classroom. All the books and posters were strewn everywhere. I walked around but the school was empty. I couldn't see except by moonlight that was coming into all the windows. I walked to the backdoor and could see something, and heard a moaning. I walked out into the moonlit field. There was a very tall cast iron fence dividing the field in half. It went on for miles and ended at ACE. The fence was about 10ft high, and made of iron spikes. On each spike was an impaled student, as far as the eye could see. I ran as fast as I could until I reached the fence. Looking up I saw the lifeless face of one of my favorite students. Other students were moaning louder, begging for me to help them. They were too high for me to lift them off of the fence, so I tried to shake it, which hur tthe students but I hope I could pull the pickets off and let the students totter on the spear and pivot to the ground, like a reverse pole vaulter. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a handful of allen wrenches, but none of them fit the hole. I kept running, looking for the right wrench to unattach the picket from the supports. But the students kept dying until I started crying, and sat down with blood dripping onto me from above.

Insulted

We watched a movie called Wetback: An Undocumented Documentary. I obviously was worried about the title, so before I told the students what the movie was, I put up the following Do Now:

What was the worst insult that you have ever been called, or the most offeneded another person made you feel? How did you react? These are some of the answers

I was called a nigger on the golf course

Oe of the worst things that I've been called was a nigger by a white boy in Oak Park. He was playing but I wasn't and me and my cousin chased him but he was on a bike.

I was called a border hopper. And then one time a cop called me a stupid mexican gangbanger that's all I'm good at he going to see me dead in 2 years

The worse thing anyone has called me was cunt. Or white trash. Or bitch

The most offened someone made me was when me and my teamates on the ACE Tech construction team were in a Hilton Hotel in Milwakee. And we were going up the elevator and she called us suspects. I She said I wonder what these suspects can come up with. I don't know what she meant by that but this was very offensive to me.

The worst insult was when a white police called me a ugly nigger. I wanted to spit in his face but I didn't want to get beat up.

The worst thing anyone's every done was call me a Haley but I didn't do anything because it was funny.

The worst thing anyone has ever called me was a bitch ass spic. I handled it by beating the shit out of him.

Someone called me a fat lazy bald headed bitch. I handle it by not saying anything to them and I show them what a fat lazy bald headed bitch can do, by taken their girl and let a lot of female be around me more than his own girlfriend.

The most offensive thing a person has said to me was go back to mexico or shine shoes and make tacos because you are a wetback. The way I handled it was to ignore it and I learned to get over it.

I've been called a lot of names. I usually don't react. Unless they really piss me off.

The worst thing someone ever said to me was that I was too fat to do something. I sometimes get picked on about church and that really depresses me too.

Cuz I don't care what ppl say about me cuz they try wanna B me and I dont let it get to me because ppl try to break you down and I am not going to let them.

When someone told me I looked like Steve Urcle's sister. The older steve urcle without his glasses but it was still an insult. I told that person they looked like a retarded Eddie Murphy and that shut him up.

The worst thing I ever was called was a bastard. That offended me a lot and it still offends me.

I guess when people always call me a lame.

Chicago battles rise in teen deaths

Chicago battles rise in teen deaths
By KAREN HAWKINS
The morning trip to school for dozens of teenagers here had all the normal signs: bleary eyes, oversized jackets zipped up against the chill, the seemingly endless wait for the bus. But there was tension underlying the routine: The trip was under the watchful eyes of parents, an alderman, a principal and police.
The escort to and from Crane Tech High School this week, dubbed "Operation Safe Passage" is just one of the ways Chicago is dealing with a wave of violence that has stunned the city.
Since September, 20 Chicago Public Schools students have been killed, 18 by gunfire. Last school year, 24 of the more than 30 students killed were shot to death, compared with between 10 and 15 fatal shootings in the years before.
"The loss of life that we've seen among our young people is ... devastating," said school district spokesman Michael Vaughn. "This gun nonsense has reached a crisis level."
The number of violent deaths involving students in the nation's third-largest school district has increased so dramatically in the last two years that police are increasing school patrols and soon will be the first department in the country with live access to thousands of security cameras mounted outside — and inside — schools.
Chicago Public Schools is one of the only urban districts to track how many students are killed by guns — though none of the slayings have occurred on school property.
Nationally, homicide was the second-leading cause of death for young people ages 10 to 24 in 2004, and of those killed, 81 percent were killed with a firearm, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Chicago's overall homicide rate, like that in other major cities, dropped to a record low in 2007. But the murders that do occur are hitting young people hard, frightening students and parents, and prompting everyone from Mayor Richard M. Daley to activists to call for action.
Operation Safe Passage began this week. It provides escorts for students from the ABLA Homes public housing development to Crane Tech High School. Many of the 120 students from the housing project have not been to school since March 7 because they fear retaliation after a reputed gang member from ABLA shot and killed another student who lived on a rival gang's turf.
Three of Michelle Johnson's children attend Crane, and she says the escorts help — somewhat.
"For right now, I feel it's kinda safe," said Johnson, who added that she is willing to take her children to school every day until the situation improves.
Daley recently announced a new resource for police — access to the 4,500 security cameras mounted inside and outside about 200 elementary and high schools.
The real-time video from the cameras once was available only to school officials, but now police and the city's Office of Emergency Management and Communications will be able to see it as well. Daley said indoor cameras will be used only in emergencies.
Daley also has rolled back the curfew times for minors by half an hour, to 10 p.m. on weekdays and 11 p.m. on weekends.
Many observers insist the issue isn't a school problem but a symptom of overall violence in the city. In fact, students in some of the city's most violent neighborhoods say school — with metal detectors, private security guards and uniformed police officers — is the one place they feel safe.
Antigun activists and officials say the violence highlights a dangerous reality: Arguments among young people that used to be resolved with fistfights now end in gunfire.
"They're just shooting out of rage," said the Rev. Michael Pfleger, an outspoken priest on the city's South Side whose church is putting up a $2,500 reward for information each time a CPS student is killed. The Chicago Board of Education has promised to match with its own $2,500 reward.
Tio Hardiman, executive director of the anti-violence group CeaseFire, said many young people consider a firearm their only protection. The way to reduce violence is to stop petty arguments among young people before they escalate into gunfire, Hardiman said.
"A lot of young guys in the community, first of all, would rather get caught with a gun than without a gun," Hardiman said. "There's a need a dire need for more conflict resolution training."
___

Not a good sign

Two teachers, who I like very much, came up to me today laughing. They both had dreams about me on the same night. The first teacher dreamt that she walked into the classroom that we both share, and all the students were dead silent and not moving. On the board everyday there is a DO NOW (a small bellringer activity) an Agenda, and Homework. In her dream, the do now said, ask Mr PR why he has a handgun. No one had asked. I was sitting quietly behind the desk

The other teacher dreamt that I had finally had it or had gotten fired. I put all my stuff into a box and walked into every classroom smoking a cigerette and telling each person individually to fuck off. She said it was a funny dream except that I was holding to cigerette in a "sissy" way. The dream is really funny because I do not smoke.

Probably not a good sign, but spring break is coming.

Tragedy

Philmore Willkins was the father of an ACE TECH freshman student. He showed up to one parent teacher conference and seemed very concerned and involved

The brother of a 49-year-old man who was holed up in a South Side motel with a gun said he asked to try to talk him out of possibly taking his life. But police negotiators refused, and the man was shot and killed by officers early Friday morning. Beat officers were dispatched to the Lake Motel, in the 9100 block of Stony Island Avenue, about 9:30 p.m. after Philmore Wilkins' wife called to say her husband was threatening to kill himself. A hotel clerk said Wilkins pointed a small handgun at her when she unlocked his second-floor room for police.

Officers with the Hostage and Barricade Team were sent to the motel, said Ilana Rosenzweig, chief of the Independent Police Review Authority. Police evacuated the two-story building about 10:30 p.m., said Tabitha Williams, 25, a guest.

Two hours later, three officers opened fire on Wilkins, Rosenzweig said.

He was pronounced dead at 1:18 a.m. Friday in Stroger Hospital, according to the Cook County medical examiner's office.

Barry Wilkins said the coroner told his family that his brother's body had 13 bullet holes.

Wilkins thinks tactical officers used excessive force and is upset that two negotiators refused his request to try and talk his brother down.

"I said, 'Maybe I can talk him out of there,'" he said. "They told me just to sit in the car."

Philmore Wilkins, who lived near the motel and had no criminal history in Cook County, was taking anti-depression medication but had never threatened to kill himself, his brother said. He had been a supervisor at a halfway house for about eight years, Wilkins said. He loved table tennis, bowling and tennis, and had two children, a boy, 16, and girl, 22.

The room where Wilkins stayed was visible through a broken window Friday.

There were what looked like two bullet holes in a mirror over where the headboard would have been.

Individual History

I required my students to make a documentary of their own life history. i have gotten reports, plays, rap albums, videos, posters and cartoons back documenting their lives. Here are some examples

One major struggle that I had to overcome was like last November when i ws just leaving out my complex when the police grabbed me and slammed me to the floor and started searching me then and pucked me up and say he found some drugs. When I finally got to the station they told me they found 30grams of cocaine on me. I spent the night at the jail. The judge told me that the value was 3,000 dollars and my bond would be 1,000. I called my uncle, somebody that I knew could spare a thousand.

What I am most passionate about is being a leader but only I am only good leading the wrong way mostly like anybody that I hang with can get into with everybody, they would come to me first and see what I want to do. When I was twelve I figured out why everyone looks up to me is because i had eveything I wanted and becuase they knew everything that I had, I got it for myself.

The only place I have ever lived is Chicago and the Harold Ickes Homes. In my neighboorhood everyone talks even though most of the time everybody is atching and fight that don't stop until the police comes. My opinion on my neighborhood is that I love my neighborhood and im glad that I was never ashamed of it. Without growing up where I am I don't think I would have the heart and determination that I have. Where I grow up taught me how to take care of myself, my neighboorhood taught me how to make people fear you and when they do they don't pay you no mind becuse they will never cross you. My neighboorhood taught me how to fight. My neighborhood taught me how not to be scared of the police and to never trust them. What I think of my neighborhood it is like a teacher and it shows you all of the ways of life if you pay attention either you learn and get an A or you sleep and get an F. All the people that stay in my community are black, never did or never will I think any other race will until they remodel the projects and kick us out. The only religion that i know in my community is a few Christians, a lot of gnagsters, and twice as many snitches. One thing that I love that my community has contributed to my identity is never to be scared of anyone or to do anything.

The Street School

The problem with inner city schools is the training camp effect that they can have on some students. Like all juvenile institutions it is supposed to provide a space for encountering and transitioning into independence and adulthood. Students are exposed in a semi controlled, protected setting.

They are protected from extreme reprisals from teachers by the rules of conduct that prevent teachers from reciprocating violence. Saying fuck you to a teacher allows them to get into a controlled amount of trouble and receive some credit for being tough without their transgression attracting the attention of established gangsters. Established gangsters are not impressed with a person saying fuck you to a teacher, but saying it allows our students to walk around with an attitude as if they were tough enough to kill somebody.

They learn to stop snitching about tiny things like chewing gum or copying homework, until they graduate to not snitching about doing drugs, about sex or sex assault, about fights...

They get to have sex and finally feel relieved from the perceived softness and fragility of not having sex. They are developed by the systematic education of the street. This education is far more effective because it is consistent and unchanging. This education is also more effective because it is considered to be subversive to adult authority and an injust society, the unconscience awareness of the disparity and despair of their condition finds representation in the preresequite anger for street development.

After a period of several suspensions and usually two juvenile arrests the students are allowed to enter a probational period in a criminal apprenticeship. This education is highly competitive and usually takes the most intelligent male students, and the least intelligent, who become as disposable as a plastic bag carrying weight for a time. These most intelligent subscribe to a rigorous series of tests were the rules of development and demanding and merciless in their

consistency. Graduation takes the form of expulsion or a serious felony.

A Good Joke

From the movie Training Day:

Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'

Figure that joke out and you'll understand the streets.